


The one 'I love you' they never got to say

by kakifuarika



Series: 30 days of OTP challenge [20]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 30 days of OTP challenge, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Unrequited Love, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 14:14:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1902060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakifuarika/pseuds/kakifuarika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the kiss was over there was longing in Dean’s heart but he knew he needed to let Cas go because in order for a bird to live forever, you must let it be free and stretch its wings and just hope that someday it will come back to you. </p>
<p>“We will meet again, Dean Winchester!” Castiel shouted before he boarded the bus going to New York. </p>
<p>And Dean will look forward for that faithful day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one 'I love you' they never got to say

**Author's Note:**

> 30 days of OTP challenge. Day 20: Unrequited love.
> 
> This was the most emotional fic I have ever written. I hope you guys get feels too.

He was a whirlwind, some kind of uncontrollable force of nature, and an addictive drug that will take you to the highest of places before plummeting down a deep dark chasm. He was both the cure and the disease. He was also Dean Winchester’s best friend who just got out of the Principal’s office for the nth time.

“Honestly Cas, you have to stop fucking shit up!” Dean hissed as they walked down the almost empty halls and towards the parking lot.

“Hey. You were the one who told me Mr. Turner needed to lighten up.” Cas reasoned out with a cocky smile on his face.

“Yeah well I didn’t mean you should fill the man’s office with Christmas lights saying ‘Fuck You’. Seriously Cas, you’re going to get yourself expelled before we graduate and that’s like, in three months.” Dean stated as he opened the door to his beloved ’67 impala.

Castiel laughed and got in the passenger seat. “But I have you to pull me out of that shit so I’m not scared.” 

“You’re one lucky bastard that I happen to be in good terms with Principal McLeod.” Dean muttered as he started the engines and left the desolate parking lot of their High School.

He looked over to his best friend and he was looking outside the window with his lips in a straight line and the glint in his eyes long gone. He is troubled and Dean knew it. He also knew the cause of the sudden change of mood because only a few things could upset his best friend like that in an instant.

“You want to sleep over tonight? We could watch movies or something.” Dean asked.

Castiel forced a smile and nodded. This was going to be a long night for both of them.

~~~

“He’s home you know.” Castiel randomly stated while they were in the middle of watching Ghostbusters.  “He came yesterday and caught us by surprise. Gabe handled it pretty well but I can’t stand being around the son of a bitch.”

“Cas, he’s your father.” Dean reasoned out.

“I don’t give a damn if he’s God! He bailed out on us, left me and Gabe to fend for ourselves.” Castiel ranted.

It turns out that Castiel had huge daddy issues. The man left them when Castiel was still a freshman in high school. Luckily his brother, Gabriel was already out of college and had a stable job so they eventually made it through. But it was still tough especially for Castiel who was so young at that time. Dean remembered that specific part of Castiel’s life because he would sleep over at Dean’s for at least a week and Gabriel had to force the poor guy to go home with him.

After that, Castiel slowly changed from this smart, and polite nice guy to this smart, cocky and sometimes an asshole of a student. He always got into trouble and Dean – and at serious times, Gabriel – had to get him out of it. Thank god it wasn’t anything too serious because if one day the police come to arrest Castiel, Dean and Gabriel would totally lose it. 

They barely watched the movie from that point onwards because Castiel would rant about his problems and Dean would listen. It was always like this and somehow “let’s watch a movie” was their code phrase for “let’s pretend to watch a movie but what we’re actually doing is I let you rant and I listen.” And they would have endless nights such as this. 

It made Dean wonder that after their graduation, would they still be able to do this? Both of them didn’t have plans to go to college or any of that stuff. After 10 years, would Castiel still be sleeping over at Dean’s because of some life crisis or would they slowly fade away? What if Castiel finds some other guy or girl to be find comfort in? Dean would be just another memory and that hurt him. 

“Everything’s just so fake here. People are working their ass off for money, for buying unnecessary things.  People are stuck doing a job they hate because you need money to get by. How did the world come to this, Dean? Relying on some flimsy paper to fulfill your needs.” Castiel stated as his blue eyes stared at the ceiling.

“I don’t know. I think that’s how the world works.” Dean answered.

“You know? I refuse to be like that. I don’t want to get stuck here for the rest of my life, doing a job I hate, and just plain surviving. I want to live, Dean.” He said.

“Then go and do what you want to do. No one’s stopping you.” It hurt but Dean had to say it because it was true.

“Maybe I will. Who knows?”

With that said, Castiel yawned and drifted to sleep. Dean finished the movie but he really wasn’t focused on the screen. His thoughts went to that little fear in him; the fear that Cas might not need him anymore and maybe it was the other way around because _he_ was the one who needed Castiel. That realization scared him because Cas can live without Dean but Dean might not be able to do the same, not at this point in their friendship.

Dean sighed as he turned the TV and DVD player off and proceeded to go to the kitchen to drink but before he left the room, he placed a blanket over Castiel’s curled up body.

The kitchen’s light was on which sparked his curiosity. No one stayed up this late, not even Sam. Dean rounded the corner and entered the quaint kitchen.

“Dean, honey, you still awake?” His mother asked as she placed a mug in the kitchen sink.

“Yeah, we just finished watching Ghostbusters. Cas is asleep and I thought I grab a glass of water before I head in.” Dean answered.

He silently moved towards his mother, grabbing a glass, and getting some water. Mary was eyeing his eldest son curiously, which confused Dean.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She answered as she giggled.

“Seriously mom, what?” Dean asked as he placed down the glass. 

“Is something bothering you?” She asked.

Dean pursed his lips and remained silent. Curse his mother’s instincts but then again it might help ease the anxiety by talking to someone.

“It’s Castiel, isn’t it?”

Dean nodded and took a seat.

“He hates it here.” Dean started, “He told me he wanted to leave after graduation. Am I selfish for wanting him to stay here with me? I mean, he’s not happy here and I want him happy so I told him he could go but on the other side, I don’t want him to go because…. Because I need him more than he needs me.”

Mary smiled and gave Dean a tight embrace. 

“Do you love him?” She asked out of the blue.

“A-are you asking if I’m gay?” Dean stammered.

“No. I’m asking if you love him.”

“That’s the same thing mom.”

“Just answer the question, honey. Oh and it’s totally okay if you are, Sam and I will love you no matter what.”

“What about dad?”

“Your dad will be smiling down from above. Now, do you love Castiel?”

She looked at Dean as if she already knew the answer. Hell, she might as well know way before Dean even realized it but being the awesome mother that she was, Mary waited for Dean to actually say something about it.

Dean sighed, “Yes.” He blurted out. “More than I thought I would.”

He looked up and his mom was smiling down at him. Dean was so thankful right now for having such an understanding mom. If he were in someone else’s shoes, he would’ve been kicked out of the house for even admitting he was in love with fellow man but thankfully he had Mary for a mother and Sam for a brother. He doesn’t give a damn what his father would think, the man’s been dead for 6 years now.

“What do I do now?” He asked.

“I can’t answer that honey. You’ll figure it out on your own.” Mary kissed his forehead and gave him one last hug before she left Dean to think things through.

He went back and silently laid beside Castiel, his thoughts keeping him awake for another hour. Dean stayed silent with his arm’s adjacent to Cas’ back. He would give anything right now to pull his best friend closer to him, to have their bodies pressed against each other in the most innocent way. But they were best friends and Cas might not love in the way Dean wanted to so instead, Dean turned to his side and faced Cas. There was a cold space between them but that position will suffice.

~~~

Three months passed by like a blur. Castiel got into trouble for a few more times but nothing too serious. They spent the last few months of high school just like any other last few months of the school year. Sleepovers, movie marathons, late night drive to some fast food chain, and other things they normally do. Dean acted like he didn’t harbor any feelings for his oblivious best friend although it was really hard because Castiel was slipping through Dean’s fingers. He could feel it.

Graduation day came, everyone was so happy to survive the whole drama that is high school. They were all ready to take on new challenges and face the real world. This was also the day Dean tried to be prepared for.

That night Dean stayed in his room just thinking about Cas when he heard a knock on his window. He cautiously opened it and Cas immediately crawled in.

“What the hell? Cas?” Dean asked.

“Get some pants on Winchester, we’re going for a drive.” Castiel demanded.

Dean peaked outside and saw Gabriel’s car parked on the street.

“Gabe let you borrow his car?” Dean asked as he hurriedly put on some pants.

“Nah, I kind of stole it that’s why we need to get the hell out of here before he finds out.” Castiel answered.

“Where are we going exactly?” Dean asked.

“Just trust me on this.” Castiel answered.

The two boys bolted out the window and ran across Dean’s yard. They ended up laughing until the reached the car and drove off the empty streets.

In the car, classic rock music blared from the speakers. Dean kept asking Cas where they were going but the guy just keeps on avoiding the topic by singing from the top of his lungs so Dean gave up and sang along.

They eventually reached a vast field just outside of the town where Castiel parked his brother’s car.

Castiel closed his eyes as he lie down on the soft grass, Dean following him a few moments after. Both of them lay there, not saying a word, just letting the darkness and nature swallow them.  The universe continued to revolve around them but it was as if they had a small pocket of their own world in that field where time stood still and nothing else mattered but the fact that they were together.

Cas would blurt out random stories or jokes that would send Dean laughing until his stomach ached. But he was afraid because he was so profoundly happy and happiness like this is frightening. The universe or who ever controls it only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you.

Dean shoved all those thoughts even when they were headed back home at 3 in the morning.

Those fears crept back into his system when he received a text message from Castiel saying “meet me by the bus station in two hours” and so he rushed to get a quick shower and drove as fast as he legally can to the bus station.

Castiel was waiting for him with a small suitcase in hand. He was right outside the station when Dean arrived 1 hour after he received the text. He prepared himself because this was it, Cas was leaving and he didn’t know what he would feel. There was no anger, sadness, or anxiety. Dean felt nothing, he felt numb.

The man with the green eyes and dirt blonde hair stepped up to his best friend who was looking at the bus schedules on the board.

“You might be wondering why I’m here but I guess you already figured that one out.” Castiel said.

Dean looked concerned and confused. He didn’t need to say anything. Castiel knew by the look in those green eyes of his. 

“I need to, Dean. I don’t want to be stuck here for the rest of my life.” Castiel explained. “I just need new air to breathe.”

At that point small tears escaped Dean’s eyes because no amount of preparation could prepare him for this. It fucking hurt and he’s not sure he could move on. Castiel pulled his best friend for one last hug. Dean hugged back tightly because this might be the last time they may ever have any kind of contact.

“Here’s to the hundreds of hellos we skipped over. Here’s to the thousands of goodbyes we chose to spare. Here’s to the millions of ‘I need you’s I should’ve whispered an infinite more times.” Castiel whispered as Dean sobbed quietly on his shoulders.

“And here’s to the one ‘I love you’ I never got to say.”

Dean’s tears stained his tan trench coat as the man hugged tighter. “I love you.” He whispered

“I know.” Castiel answered.

Dean finally had the courage to let go. He stared at Castiel who was smiling back at him.

“There’s something I have to do.” Dean said. Castiel nodded very slightly as if he already knows what it was.

He kisses him on that bus stop in a rainy Thursday morning. He kisses him because this might be the first and the last. He doesn’t care if people stare or say things behind their backs. He needed this. _They_ needed this.

When the kiss was over there was longing in Dean’s heart but he knew he needed to let Cas go because in order for a bird to live forever, you must let it be free and stretch its wings and just hope that someday it will come back to you.

“We will meet again, Dean Winchester!” Castiel shouted before he boarded the bus going to New York.

And Dean will look forward for that faithful day.  

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this fic might be inspired by my two favourite books of the same author. I'll leave you guys to guess.


End file.
